I am a Dreamer but not...

I am a dreamer. And I love it since I dream lucidly. That is I actively participate in my dreams and changes happen as I go, which makes the whole thing so live, exciting & so unpredictable.

But I don’t dream of anything in particular. I don’t dream of ‘denting the universe’. I don’t dream of freedom of any sort. I don’t dream of money. Women – well yes, sometimes. I simply dream of ordinary and not so ordinary things coming my way.

I love dreams because they also tell me what to do, where to go, why I must do something and when, whom to meet – sort of a guiding hand gently nudging me along in my life’s journey. I have become so used to it that whenever faced with any difficult or intractable problem I don’t search for a solution. All that I do is to lie down and go to sleep only to be awoken with the solution clearly embedded in my mind. Every time I acted on those solutions I never went wrong.

But on 14^th Feb 2011, Valentine’s Day, I dreamt something weird. I haven’t seen such a strange dream before and I woke up puzzled but acutely aware of the code the dream left me with.

I found myself in a dimly lit gloomy but big mansion full of old people of all ages, shapes, sizes and diseases. It was a sort of old age home. They were nameless. No one cared to know their names or the way to address them or had a record of their ages. They must be living here for ages, I thought.  

There was an old shriveled man stricken with arthritis, who found it difficult to walk even with the help of his rather crooked walking stick. He kept forgetting what he said a few minutes back but loved to order people rebuking them for not understanding what he said. He would yell, ‘I asked for a bottle of coke at least half an hour back. What the hell is going on?” When reminded, “You asked for a glass of water” he would fume and retort, “You idiot!”

And then there was the old fat lady who shunned everyone to sit in one desolate corner of a spacious room speaking aloud her thoughts. She thought she was suffering from amnesia and was always trying to remember her past. She didn’t like anyone to disturb her. If someone approached and talked to her she would turn her head away with an angry frown on her face saying, ‘Don’t disturb me. I was just recalling something so important. I forgot about it for the past 30 years”.

Still there was another not so old man who had an opinion on everything. He would care less to listen to anyone. He just kept airing his views on practically anything he liked to, “Do you know why tsunami struck Japan?” Then he would wait for an answer with a wicked smile on his face. When the silence became unbearable he would opine in his professionally matured bass voice, ‘Well, no doubt I am living with fools. All this was caused by China and India. Their economies are heating up and that heat caused the tsunami. Now do you understand?”

Only another old lady could muster enough courage to challenge him. She had a fantastic memory and thought herself to be a proponent of scientific thinking. So she often retorted to his insane utterances, “Well, five days back you said something quite different to what you say now. Which one of your statements is true?” She was very happy to help everyone since she always had a solution for everything from her vast store of knowledge. “Well you seem to be coughing with a noise level of around 65 dB and you have a sugar level of 290 so you must take 500 ml of orange juice thrice daily or I can formulate a tablet for you, That is what modern research has come up with”

In spite of all their differences and individual idiosyncrasies they all had one thing in common. None of them liked physical work. They wanted all their work done in the most professional manner possible but only to be done by others whom they considered as ‘scum of the earth’. They refused to lift even their little finger under any circumstance.  

Here I found myself a job catering to the whims and fancies of these otherwise rich but slightly ‘out of their minds’ people as a professional caretaker, which in more realistic terms meant running mean, inhumane errands and trying to satisfy their never ending demands and wishes. They all wanted their demands met ‘yesterday’.

By night I was dead tired and was restless to hit the sack. The thoughts of escaping this ‘prison’ did often come to my mind but I was stuck. The mansion was walled in by a fortress type circular 20 foot high wall and protected by trained tough looking gun trotting men and by big ferocious dogs. There was hardly any hope. And every time I stood on the wide marble balcony at dusk the sight of guns and dogs made my heart sink. Thoughts of raising a smoke signal for others to notice and rescue me from this dungeon or shout at the top of my voice for help or call God just remained tame ideas shy to see the light of the day.

Then one night the most unexpected thing happened. An eerie silence engulfed the mansion punctuated by, ‘Oh my God!’, ‘Wow, another great one, ‘Afridi out’, ‘Come on Sachin’. Hearing them shout, the dogs too joined the chorus with their growling wails and sharp barks at times. The guards were all engrossed in the Indo- Pak cricket match gluing themselves to the only TV the mansion had.

Well this was the time to escape. I didn’t care to pick up my rather simple belongings and rushed towards the gate. As luck would have it the guards have carelessly kept the small gate by the side of the main gate ajar through which they usually went out to smoke. ‘No Smoking’ signs were all over the place.

With my heart beating wildly I just ran out into the quickly enveloping mass of darkness pushing myself harder and faster away from the prison walls.  

I had no idea how time flew by or how long I ran. I stopped panting at a place that appeared to be a crossroad shrouded by an early spring mist with the daylight just breaking in. The smell of salty air of the sea wafted through.

Suddenly my mind stopped racing. It was still but my body still shivered a little from excitement and my nostrils flared a bit. It was a moment to reckon with and be surprised. I wasn’t fleeing from anything anymore. I wasn’t searching for anything. I wasn’t anxious to do anything. I wasn’t curious to find answers to my unending questions. My mind was still, sharply focused and attentive -- prepared without a trace of anticipation to meet anything that might come up.

In that moment of singular happiness I saw a slender silhouette approaching in the haze of the gradually lifting mist. Second by second it was growing firmer and clearer. There was an unhurried gentleness in the movement. I was transfixed like a child firmly rooted to the ground.   

Then as if by magic the veil of mist lifted to bring before me the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.  Her moist eyes glistened with the warmth of kindness. The slender sharp nose stood in sharp relief against the soft tone of her fair face. Dark hair softly rustled on her yellow chiffon dress like gentle waves caressing the shores.

Was she a Goddess or an Angel? “Beautiful”, I barely gasped. Hearing that, she let out an inviting mystic smile. In that slightly chilly air I was basking in the glow of her magical presence.

“Come with me” she signaled.

“Where”, I hesitantly asked.

“Don’t ask. I am with you. Let’s keep walking.” Arm in arm we started walking down the deserted road. The dust laden brown crisp leaves left behind by winter crackled under our feet to break the monotony of the unearthly silence. We walked as one; melting into each other.

Inexplicable joy swept through me like lightening. I never felt like that before. In a flash, I felt fresh, undiluted, bubbling with ideas, free, unbridled and merging with everything around me. I lost myself.

I have met my muse.

I am a dreamer but I am not the only one… to live dreams of creative freedom in reality.